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NO MARRIAGE IS BEYOND SAVING


After my post on divorce, where I advocated forgiveness even when divorce is a biblical option, (Read that post here: https://tobilobaajayi.wordpress.com/2012/12/11/is-divorce-really-the-answer/) I got a lot of questions and opinions that sent me to my knees and back to the word.

I realized that majority of us consciously or unconsciously believe that there are certain lines in marriage that once crossed there’s no coming back from. I was told that even Jesus must have recognized that possibility-he allows divorce on the condition of adultery.[1]

I have to say, that argument was quite convincing to my human mind. I mean it makes sense. But I have come to realize that a concession does not always mean agreement.

I know a lot of people will disagree with some or all of the things I’m about to say; that’s fine. I’m going to go ahead and obey God anyway. My discoveries of late are below:

Divorce was never part of God’s plan when He created marriage. It was a man made concession because human beings became too hard hearted and refused to offer forgiveness when they were wronged by their spouses.[2]

When Jesus gave the concession, He allowed only one ground for divorce-adultery; and then followed it up with a condition that essentially translates to celibacy unless you reconciled with your spouse.[3]

You see the reason for that condition continued to baffle me because I felt that God was asking too much. I essentially found myself asking ‘If you would allow them to divorce, why would you tell them to stay unmarried after a divorce?’

I have now realised that as with everything God does, that condition was put there to help us see that no matter how much we think we know, His plan is ultimately and always better.

Am I saying that spouses do not do unspeakable things to each other in marriage? Of course not, I’ve heard and seen certain things done to people in the name of marriage-(flagrant adultery, physical abuse, emotional abuse…) the list goes on

If I were to judge some of these things by human intellect, crucifixion would be too good a punishment for some of these perpetrators.

But like I said, God’s so much smarter than I am.

So what should the Christian response be in the cases above and others like them?

These are my practical thoughts after lots of studying and asking.

If you’re married to a serial adulterer, Please move out of the house before you get a disease, Keep praying for him/her and if possible, still do other ‘marital’ duties. Prayer not only has the power to completely transform your husband/wife, it ensures that it is impossible for you to hate him/her.

If you’re in a physically/emotionally abusive marriage, Get out of there before you get yourself killed. Keep praying for him/her from where ever you are. If he/she is the stalker type, fly under the radar please. Your life is very important

However, do not stop praying for him.

If your marriage was founded on deceit, (or they jazzed you like they say where I come from), and the truth comes out, Take some time away if you must but while you are away Pray! Pray!! And Pray!!! Then, you will be able to forgive him/her and continue the marriage.

God created marriages to last, no matter the problems it may encounter on its way.

Marriage God’s way takes work. A good marriage is not going to fall out of heaven no matter how ‘spiritual’ you are or how many principles you follow. You are going to have to work at it.

By the way, after I finished this study I ‘almost’ agree with the disciples.[4]( emphasis on almost)

If you don’t have a problem ‘working out your salvation’…. (as free as it is) why do you thinking bailing out of your marriage when it has challenges is the only solution?

One last thing to address before I finish, I’ve heard people advice women especially to stay in a house where they are being abused just so that another woman does not take their place.

I beg you, don’t do that! If he marries another woman, is that the end of the story in God’s books? I don’t think so. I’ve seen God bring marriages back from worse- and it was not because they stayed and took the abuse.

None of the above situations (as bad as they are) has divorce as the ONLY option. Separation with the intention to reconcile in God’s time  is a very viable option too.

The summary of this epistle, No marriage is beyond saving. NO MARRIAGE!

Is it going to be easy? Absolutely not!

But doing things God’s way, as hard as they may be will always be worth it.

This is now my firm belief.

Instead of heading to the courts, why don’t we head to the cross?

I’m almost afraid to ask but:

Who’s with me?

Tobiloba


[1] Mathew 19:9

[2] Mathew 19:8

[3] 1 Cor 7:11

[4] Mathew 9:10

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11 thoughts on “NO MARRIAGE IS BEYOND SAVING

  1. Well, here goes…. I am a firm believer in marriage. I prayed and prayed for my husband and kept forgiving him. But the problem is that as humans, we can not read others hearts. We can only go by what they tell us and show us. But, when you are dealing with someone who is a pathalogical liar or a master manipulator, you can not always know the truth. BUT GOD KNOWS THE TRUTH and knows each heart.. …Read my blog posting, Rescued! And I didn’t even know that I needed it… God has basically co-authored a book with me that is in publication right now, The Walking Wounded. I did not want to talk about abuse, much less my story. But God told me to write it and gave me the words to say. …
    I kept staying in a marriage founded on deceit and filled with abuse and adultery. But I kept forgiving and trying to make it work….But God had another plan for me. He did not want me in that marriage and came to my rescue. He orchestrated my divorce when I did not want one. He saved me when my life was in danger. He revealed things that I did not know in the natural. God has a plan for each of us that we don’t know…and if we stray from the plan that He had, He may just orchestrate something we don’t expect to get us back where He wants us….
    Now, that’s my 2 cents… Sorry, but had to disagree with you because GOD SHOWED ME DIFFERENT… Either way, God is the answer and will guide our path..if we submit to His will…. not ours.

    • Thanks for reading and taking time to write such a detailed and personal response. I appreciate it so much. If you read the post, you’d see that I clearly stated that divorce was a Christian option in some of the cases I highlighted. I just pointed out that it might not be the ONLY option. I’ve read your blog and if I were to deal with your ex husband physically,my salvation would be questioned.

      If God told you to divorce him,Fine! That’s between you and God. I just write as I’m led (in this case very reluctantly) and pray that those who need the message get it.

      Thanks for your comment. I’ll be looking out for your book when it does come out and i’ll be following your blog.

      • Thanks for responding and sorry I wrote such a long note. I did read the post and I do agree in forgiving your spouse– 70 x7 times– and that marriage is forever. I do agree with all that you said except that “no marriage is beyond saving.” That is why I said that God knows every heart. People have to want to change and only God knows if they will…. I would never encourage someone to divorce without God clearly telling them to and leading them. I believe marriage is forever. The biggest problem is people not seeking God before getting married and including God in the marriage. My crying out for God only started after the marriage and the abuse…I should have cried out before!!! Thanks again…

      • Thank you so much for taking time to respond. By the way, I love long notes when the make lots of sense like yours did,so no worries.Thank you for getting to the crux of the issue-people taking God out of their marriage decisions and expecting miracles. You will notice that the post is directed at Christian marriages that should have Christ at the center. I need to stop now before I write another epistle! I’m so waiting for that book.

      • Thanks again. Now you have me smiling. I wrote an entry this week, IF I COULD…An Ode to Victims of Abuse… That is one of the things that if I could only show them through my life so they would not make the same mistakes… GOD FIRST!! Always!! Blessings again. I wil be following you.

      • Please spread the message. Christian singles need to hear it.

      • I definitely will.. Feel free to use my ODE to the Victims of Abuse. God gave me those words, I even had to look up ODE because I did not know what it meant. I never want anyone hurt the way that I was hurt…

      • will look it up and will take you up on the offer to use it if I have to. Thanks!

      • God gave me a song that I could not stop humming but did not know the words, then He gave me this ODE. It was not till the next day that the song that I was humming was found and I dedicated it to My Lord who saved me in IF I COULD SING!

        IF I COULD SING! I would sing this song to YOU!

        This one is IF I COULD…An ODE…
        •IF I Could….An Ode to Victims of Abuse

        I hope that you like them…they were co-authored by God who is my DIVINE INSPIRATION!!!

  2. At first when I saw your post, I thought you were going to insist that divorce is not an option and then my neighbours’ marriage came to my mind. You see, the woman’s marriage is a real-life hell on earth!! The husband punches her at will, beats her to the point of coma sometimes and yet he sleeps with everything in the neighbourhood. She’s as quiet as a mouse, as thin as a rake and emaciated. I can’t tell such a woman not to flee from that kind of marriage all in the name of a man-made rule.

    • I’m glad you read the post.I’m sure you can see that I don’t advocate staying in abusive situations in the name of marriage. I would personally tell her to get out of there fast. Can God restore her marriage? Of course, but she should pray for that restoration outside the abusive atmosphere.

      I love your blog by the way.

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