I’ll continue this study by looking at the admonition of Peter.[1]

(Read the previous post here: https://tobilobaajayi.wordpress.com/2013/04/03/loving-your-wife-gods-way-1/

He starts by telling husbands to live with their wives with understanding. What this means is that you have to take time to study and re-study your wife.

It is not a one day affair. If you have a PHD on your mother or any other woman and you have a BSC on your wife, then your priorities are wrong.

You are not allowed to demand that she conform mindlessly to an image in your head of what you or society thinks she should be, you have a job to do in’ learning’ your wife. Don’t be lazy. Get cracking.

Don’t assume anything. Ask questions, Clarify and keep clarifying, you will never stop learning and understanding, so keep at it.

It takes two to build a home and keep it standing. Men, do your part!

Your wife is not your subordinate; she is your equal partner, no matter what the society may tell you. That’s how God sees her.Treat her that way. Her opinion should always count.

Note:  I’m going feminist on you, I didn’t write the bible and its right there as clear as day.

In closing men, in case you need an incentive to love your wife God’s way. Peter concludes by saying that the way you treat your wife has a direct link to whether or not your prayers are answered.

So just in case your prayers have not been clearing the roof of your house lately, you might want to check how you’ve been treating your wife.

I’ll be back soon with some final thoughts on Loving your wife God’s way

I’m out of steam for today.


[1] I Peter 3:7



I was in a prayer service one day and the prayer leader was urging us all to pray. While doing this he said, quoting from the bible ‘the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much’.‘Pray my brethren pray’.

While the voices in the auditorium increased in volume, my mind was stuck on the bible quotation above. I got home and I looked it up. Maybe I shouldn’t have because since that day I have not gotten over what I discovered.

You see, I discovered that like it’s commonly done, only one half of that scripture was emphasised and this was usually done in prayer sessions. We tend to ignore the first part of the verse which reads;

Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed’.-James 5:16

I have to admit, we are good at the ‘praying for one another’ bit but we tend to selectively forget to ‘confess our sins to one another’.

I notice it does not say confess only to a priest or a pastor or an elder. It says ‘each other’ meaning your fellow brother or sister in the Lord.

Someone might say,once I confess my sins to God, I’m fine. I can’t argue that point with you. I did not write the bible.

Unfortunately that scripture puts everything together in one equation. Confession of sins to other believers + Prayer by same believers =Healing.

How sweet would it be if believers would all obey this instruction?

When someone admits an area of sin in their lives to you, it’s not time to judge them; it’s time to obey the scripture and pray for them.

But how many of us (I inclusive) would not judge them first?

I’m wondering aloud how many healings we’ve delayed or are still delaying because we are practicing selective obedience.

Hmm, this is serious!!! God I need your help.

Lord your church needs help!  Help us to obey you completely in this area even if it means starting with our small core groups and not just assume it’s impossible. Amen!



I was privileged to be in an informal bible study yesterday and we all got talking about forgiveness.

I got home and this part of what is famously called ‘The Lord’s Prayer’ just would not get out of my head.

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us’- Mathew 6:12

Now I’ve prayed that prayer by rote since I was old enough to talk but now I’m rethinking my words.

Yikes!!!! That’s a really dangerous sentence to pray!

If God really forgives me the way I forgive others, I don’t know about you but I’m in serious trouble.

I do not want God forgiving  me the way I have been forgiving others. That would so not be nice.

So this just does to me what the word of God always does- It is reflecting an areas in my life that needs work.

Lesson for the day: Forgive like you want to be forgiven. No shortcuts.

This is going to take God. Human will or intellect won’t cut it.

Who’s with me?



‘I just wasn’t feeling today’s worship. I just was not connecting’ ‘Praise and worship was on point today’. ‘Awesome worship’.

If you are a Christian in today’s world you’ve probably used these exact words or words to this effect.  I know I have.  If you’ve ever been part of a choir or a worship team, you know this is how we usually give feedback after services and rehearsals.

It was during one of these feedback sessions after a Sunday service that the above question hit me.

‘Who’s Worship? Ours or God’s? In an earlier post on worship, I talked about the ‘mood’ of worship. Now the question I’m pondering here is ‘Who is supposed to be enjoying worship?

If I buy a present for a friend, I usually would buy what they would enjoy, not what I would enjoy because it’s about them.

In simple terms, worship should be a heartfelt present from us to God. Therefore the important factor here should be that God enjoys it and not necessarily that we do.

I’m not saying we should not enjoy giving the present, we should, BUT Our joy should come from the fact that God is enjoying our worship and not the other way round.

How can we give God ‘His Worship’- A worship that He would enjoy? First we need to take our eyes off us and what appeals to our five senses- what sounds good or feels good. It is so not about us. Most of the time, we assume that once it looks or feels good to us it has to be pleasing to God.

This is not always the case. Ask Eve. The forbidden fruit looked and must have felt good too.

Note: Choir members, this is not an excuse for lack of preparation and shoddy work! You are priests leading others to the presence of God. It is not a position to be taken lightly.

Second, we need to get to know God for ourselves. If all you know about God is what your pastor tells you, then you do not know God, you only know ‘about’ Him. You cannot give someone a present they would appreciate if you do not know them well. Same rule applies; you cannot properly worship a God you do not know.

Think about it! You can always tell the friends that really know you by the presents they give to you for a celebration.

I’ll close this post with something a I heard a pastor say a while back that I thought was funny but I now find rather insightful-

(Paraphrasing) Worship is the only part of a Sunday service that is for God, they rest is for our benefit. Yet we take that part away by focusing on ourselves instead of on Him who should be the object of our worship.

Worship is about God. Let’s not allow our(myself included) focus be subtly shifted from that goal.



I was in a church service lately and someone said ‘let us be in the mood/mode (I’m not sure which one now) of worship’. (If you’re a Christian, I’m sure you can relate.)

And it suddenly hit me. Is worship supposed to be dependent or our mood or is it a mode that we go into at will?

Before Christ, Worshipping God was an elaborate outward affair that required certain rules and regulations. However, because of  Christ, the requirement of rules of worship was wiped away, thereby giving us uninterrupted worship access and time.

Someone might rightly ask me ‘What is Worship?  Dictionary.com defines worship as ‘reverent honour and homage paid to God’… If worship is giving God honour then what’s our mood or a mode got to do with it.?

My inquisitive mind wondered what God had to say to us in the New Testament about worship and the conversation between Jesus and the Samaritan woman in John 4 answered the question in my heart quite well. The Message bible puts it this way ‘But the time is coming—it has, in fact, come—when what you’re called will not matter and where you go to worship will not matter.

23-24 “It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship.’[1]

Worship is a lifestyle! So where do we get the idea that we can conjure an attitude or mode/mood- whatever adjective we choose to use to qualify it- of worship and please God?

Worship has nothing to do with how you feel; the way the song/instruments sound or how well the voices harmonize. Worship is how much of God you include in your day to day life.

Worship is not a mood/mode or attitude. Where the church got that from, I do not know-maybe some relics of the Old Testament teachings.

You don’t zone in and out of the God desired kind of worship. You live it.

The mood of worship? No thanks! I’ll aim for a life of worship instead.


[1] John 4:21-24


I’ve been listening to a song titled ‘God’ by Donald Lawrence since yesterday and there’s a part toward the end that says in part:

‘Whatever you do with me, it’s alright

You have my total trust’…

And I’ve found myself thinking, ‘Does God honestly have my trust totally ? If He did why do I still worry about the future and a lot of other things?

Is anything God does with me really alright by me? If I say it is, why am I so full of questions for God? Why do I get angry when things do not go according to the blueprint I have laid out?

Maybe its because I just don’t trust God enough- my view of God may be so myopic that I can only think of God in human terms therefore putting him in a box in my mind.

Mind you, I don’t mean to do it. I know in my head that I cannot box God. My head knows all about His Almightyness (pardon my French) but does this head knowledge translate to heart knowledge and therefore complete unabashed trust?

Perhaps it would serve me well to remember as the song says in the first verse:

‘Thou who knowest my beginning

Thou who created the plan

Thou orchestrated my life’s journey

God, you are my God….’

I really need to keep this in mind and truly trust God (with my heart , not my head) knowing that He will always be God.

P.S Check out the full song on youtube




For those that followed my series on submission God’s way, I promised a post for the men as well.

Well, this is me keeping that promise, with the first part in the series which I pray will be a lot shorter than the previous one.

I’ll be using the same scripture I used previously, so follow me as we go back to Ephesians.

It reads ‘Husbands, love your wives’ but it does not stop there. It tells them how to do it.

‘As Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her.’[1]

Christ’s love is sacrificial, unconditional and is not based on performance, looks or expectations.

Sorry to burst your bubble husbands, but the fact that your wife is not looking her best, has hurt you so many times, does not  love you in return, does not cook your favorite meal or does not satisfy your sexual desires as often as  you would like is no basis to stop loving your wife.

You example is Christ, not the expectations of the media or popular public opinion

Note: This above admonition is for husbands and not boyfriends/ fiancé’s. Single guys in relationships, your checklist is in 1 Corinthians 13

Husbands’, loving your wives also includes ‘covering’ her with the word. Speak the word over your wives daily. Just as Christ builds His church, you have a responsibility to ‘build’ your wife.

She is your cultivation. Speak the word over her and watch her become what you call her.

I’ll close this post with the Message bible’s translation of the Scripture we just looked at. I just love the way it says it.

‘Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting.

 Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness.

 And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.’[2]

So husbands, how are we doing on keeping up with the above so far?

Note:No more of I’m not Jesus-He already gave you a template and showed you how to do it.



[1] Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV)

[2] Ephesians 5: 25-38 (MSG)